It’s been a fairly dark few days. Despite a lot of good things happening, and a lot of progress forward in my job and relationships, I’ve had a hard time. It doesn’t help that if you add up all the sleep I had on Friday, Saturday and Sunday, you would get around 7 hours. I’m tired, and stressed, and can’t quiet my brain at night. It does not help to beat myself up, yet I do. It does not help to hold in all my pain and seethe, but I do. I finally slept last night, and got some exercise today, and I can feel the depression start to retreat.
I was scheduled to have lunch with a friend today, one who was really there through the whole last couple of years with us, but we had to reschedule. I told her in an email that I was bummed about that because I really needed some help today with this struggle, and was looking forward to her reminding me why I’m better now than I was before. This was her reply:
1. Well the fact that he acts like a boy and not a man, should be your first clue.
2. This is the 1st time this month you have said that you are sad and whiny. When you were with him, you were sad, whiny and mad almost every day.
3. You’re good enough, you’re smart enough, and darn it people like you.
4. He cramps your style, because you’re hot and he’s not.
5. You’re employed and he is not. (Well, this one is based on old facts. Maybe he is employed, but I’m assuming not.)
6. He needs to carry his own baggage and not have you as his personal emotional Sherpa.
7. You have posted much more fun pics on Facebook than you did when you were with him. Why? Because you’re not sitting at home waiting for him not to show up.
8. You are moving forward and he was just stuck without the tools or will to dig himself out. You cannot change that about him. All you can do is get stuck with him.
9. He hurt my friend and I don’t like it when people hurt my friend.
10. SNAP OUT OF IT! (Not really a reason, but more of “Moonstruck” channeling. It really never hurts to channel Cher.)
Way harsh, Ty, but pretty damn true. In other news, today is moving day. I’m in a new office now, on a different floor. Near a bunch of engineers, which is obviously great for me…?
This is a pretty nice office, and I can’t see Starbucks anymore, which should help. The floor to ceiling windows should be interesting, as privacy is totally overrated. Once I worked for a telecommunications company in LA, which shall remain nameless, where I saw a rat fall from the ceiling, crawl up a guy’s pant leg, and bite him on the thigh. That was hideous. My office there was actually a cubicle in a closet and there were roach traps everywhere so, obvious improvements.
When I was with the consulting company, I had an office in New York that looked out onto the street, an office in Philadelphia where I looked at a brick wall, and best of all an office in the basement of a hospital in Cleveland that was in the morgue. Yes, the morgue. Let’s just say I never worked too late there. Terror can make you pretty efficient if you just go with it. So, a new office and a new view and I’m hoping to feel better soon.