“What you don’t have, you don’t need it now.” Bono

christmas
I’m pretty glad this craptastic (it’s a word) year is almost over. One more week of work and then I have almost two weeks off. I’m going to Virginia this weekend to see my parents and siblings, and am really looking forward to just relaxing. You know, as relaxed as you can get with 18 people around you. It’s important to remember that in my sprawling family, I am the quiet one and the nice one. I’m not even kidding, as hard as that may be to believe. It’s been a whole year since I’ve seen the family all together and I’m excited to go for a few days. Especially to see my nieces and nephews, who are all uniquely insane and hilarious.

I was worried that it might be a rough holiday after all that this year has brought, but I really don’t think it will be. It will be better than last year, I think, which was for me a two week straight mind bending confuse-athon (yeah, that’s a word too) because I was being lied to almost every minute. Even horrible terrifying lies were being told to me that I would never tell on the off chance that karma is a real thing, about the health of relatives. Scary lies that make you think in retrospect, holy crap this person is broken and sitting here trying to believe these lies is breaking me too. I am mostly over this, but the things that trip me up, that make me yearn for answers are things like this. Why did things have to be like that? I get that there was not going to be a future happily ever after (not a real thing) but why the destructive soul crushing deception? Why not a respectful honest good bye if I wasn’t the person he loved? Why not leave me with my dignity instead of making me feel that if I question his outrageous untruths that it is me who is wrong and bad? Am I that awful that I deserved that? I don’t think I’m ever going to properly understand that one. Closure is a luxury – and I did not get it. There is no more excuse to dwell on that fact to not live my life, so I will not.

Anyway, it’s been a weird few days. The events of Friday in Connecticut are so gruesome and terrifying that the only thing I have seen to properly sum it up was at the Onion – go read this, I’ll wait. http://www.theonion.com/articles/fuck-everything-nation-reports,30743/

I just can’t watch any more of it. Over the weekend, I had 3 parties to go to and enjoyed them all, and also saw Life of Pi – which, if you haven’t seen it, is beautiful. It’s not the movie you want to see to escape though, it’s the kind of movie that reminded me of a genius thing my niece Hannah said when she was 2. She asked my sister how old she was and Gina told her “32” and she said “Huh. You’re gonna die soon.” Very matter of fact, not bothered by it at all, just a universal truth. So if you are looking for some escapism… maybe Life of Pi isn’t the movie for you. Yesterday was the Homeland finale and they continue to find ways to blow my mind, because like it or hate it, it was completely unexpected. I dread that we have to wait god knows how long for season 3, but then remembered that Downton Abbey is less than a month away and Game of Thrones is 3 months out. Must. Get. Life.

Seriously.

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