Here’s the whole quote, one of my favorites:
“I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes.
Because if you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world. You’re doing things you’ve never done before, and more importantly, you’re Doing Something.
So that’s my wish for you, and all of us, and my wish for myself. Make New Mistakes. Make glorious, amazing mistakes. Make mistakes nobody’s ever made before. Don’t freeze, don’t stop, don’t worry that it isn’t good enough, or it isn’t perfect, whatever it is: art, or love, or work or family or life.
Whatever it is you’re scared of doing, Do it.
Make your mistakes, next year and forever.”
I got an assignment from my therapist two weeks ago. Lighten, she said. You have time off before the year ends and you should use it to lighten. Clean out drawers and closets, get things done, you will feel better and then you can start 2013 feeling ready and clean. It is working (she’s a damn genius, I hate it), and it feels pretty great. I have three huge bags to send to Goodwill so far and I’ve only been through one room. I also plan to subscribe to the “one in, one out” theory for clothes in 2013 – if I buy something, I have to get rid of something. This came out of a casual perusal of my closet last week where I found the cutest jacket ever, which I pulled out and had absolutely no recollection of buying, with the Banana Republic tags still on. I literally squealed (it’s really cute…) and then thought “well, this seems like maybe the sign of a problem.”
Luckily I do not have to subscribe to this theory for books, because my Kindle hides them all in the table of contents and I never have to shelve them anymore. I’m not saying it’s not another problem, just not a problem I am going to deal with. You’re welcome, Amazon.
Last new year’s eve was sucko – I was facing some horrible facts that I did not want to believe. I was waiting for him to show up, knowing that he would not, and dealing with the type of texts that kept me hanging for the whole 2 years. “I will be there”; “I will be there late, I promise”; “I can’t be there”; “I miss you”; “I wish I was with you”. Blah. All bullshit obviously, I couldn’t even pretend to believe him anymore and I wondered why I cared. Either way, it was the first time I remember thinking, I cannot do this anymore. I made a new list of resolutions alone that night, that gave myself a deadline to figure this out, or get out of it – March 31. It took me longer, but not much, and at least I did it. I’m trying to think of this as an accomplishment and not a crushing indictment of my ability to be loved.
In my quest to be more open, I feel like I’m doing pretty well. It might have something to do with being with my family for the last week. They talk to strangers – nicely. It’s weird. I have found myself chatting away with people all day since I’ve been back. I hope it goes away. This morning I was on a stair climber with a television and the guy next to me tapped on my arm. I took out my earpiece and he said (seriously, I’m not making this shit up) “I think you are the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen watching Face the Nation.” Instead of saying what I wanted to say, which was “I’m impressed that you can climb stairs and watch Fox News at the same time, you Neanderthal,” I smiled and said “thank you?” and wrapped it up quickly. That, my friends, is progress.