The last few days have, well, sucked. So many reasons, work definitely one of them, but I don’t really think I realized how miserable I was until this afternoon. Our walls at work are thin-ish, there is not a lot of privacy and you can definitely pick up the general tones, if not exact words, of your neighbors. About 2:00 my door opened and my neighbor from Marketing popped his head in to say “I’m going out to get a late lunch and I’m going to bring you something back. Your choices are beer or a cupcake. My only goal for today is to be the only person that you don’t hate.” I yelled “Cupcake please!” and then realized that I am not currently in space, and people can see and hear me even through I’m sitting fairly squarely behind my monitor, and probably I should tone it down just a little. It would be nice if the universe would reciprocate and stop throwing shit at my head.
I went to the doctor for a follow up and asked her if she could give me anything to help with this and she basically told me that pharmacology is beyond my grasp and then proceeded to tell me what a stupid request it was, and wouldn’t the world be different if there was something. Not really looking for a philosophical debate on inherent happiness, Camus, but thanks a bunch.
There are a lot of reasons I’m here, and a lot of reasons things are not going to change for me in the short term, and I just need to push through it. I have an assignment and have been trying to write but everything seems to come out all ohthehumanity and I’m exhausting myself. I just want to crawl into bed at 7:30 with my cat, a pizza, and Jon Stewart, but I am going to meet a friend for dinner, and for that I must apologize to the general public.
I’m just going to eat my cupcake now and it will all be fine in the morning.