I had to go back to work or risk going totally insane. Also, I’ve had people visiting at work so I have had to not just show up, but to pretend like I wasn’t praying for sweet death. Hey, you know what a really good thing to say to a coworker is when they have been sick? “You look terrible.” Yes, it’s very succinct and very meaningful and there’s no beating around that bush. “You look terrible.” Just like that. And three different people told me I looked terrible in the last two days, like it’s a standard line to say. It really isn’t. There’s really only one answer – thanks. Well, maybe two answers – shut up, you look terrible too. Or possibly it’s just me that is this immature. Either way, it’s not like I’m not putting in an effort, I’m in another office today and the first thing I got from the receptionist was “wow, have you been sick?” Seriously, shut up. I’m going to carry around a sign that says “yes, I know I look terrible – no need to tell me again.”
So it turns out that four days is the longest I can stay indoors doing nothing before I start doing stupid crap like trying to fix my own dryer or engaging in extensive cyber stalking, both of which turned out to be big mistakes. Other than that, I feel like I’ve read everything and watched everything in my house. When I walked outside on Monday there was a cobweb on the outside of my door. Part of the problem is that I couldn’t sleep – I am so very jealous of people who get sick and then sleep 24 hours a day. Lucky bastards. I get sick and just get angry (er).
On the bright side, I went to the doctor this morning and I’ve lost nine pounds in 40 days. She looked at that and said “huh. Good. Your triglycerides are high” and I said “yeah, but I lost nine pounds” and she said “great, you’ll have more room in your coffin, lay off the red meat” which I felt might have been a tiny bit harsh. Why can’t I find one of those doctors with that fabled bedside manner?