“The only way to find true happiness is to risk being completely cut open.” Chuck Palahniuk

This is a picture of Ryan Gosling because... why not?  Okay, in reality I still don't know how to work this computer so I can't "right click" anymore so I can't save stuff... but still - Ryan Gosling.  You're welcome

This is a picture of Ryan Gosling because… why not? Okay, in reality I still don’t know how to work this computer so I can’t “right click” anymore so I can’t save stuff… but still – Ryan Gosling. You’re welcome

Next weekend is the Oscars. My friend Susan and I go to a party that my aunts (Laura and Dawn) have and it’s always tons of fun with great food and a pool that is more competitive than anything should be outside of Olympic Village. I usually see most of the big movies so that I can have good opinions to win the pool – and then I mercilessly rip off the LA Times and Entertainment Weekly for the technical awards. This year I have seen most things except Les Miserables. It is driving a few of my friends crazy that I haven’t seen this movie, which I totally get, because I’m a huge movie / book / tv bully (seriously, give me ONE GOOD reason you haven’t watched Homeland. One. Because you hate good t.v.? Because otherwise I don’t get it and I’m quite frankly losing respect for you) and it totally irritates me when people don’t go see things I recommend – I think the good people at Argo owe me about 1/3 of their take due to my incessant browbeating. But I just have not been in the mood yet to see Les Miserable. As my friend Marina put it today “just go see it, stop being annoying.”

A few weeks ago I was planning to go to the movies with Christine, and our email down selection started with her suggesting Django Unchained, which I ruled out because it’s too violent. Then I suggested Les Mis, which she rejected because it looks depressing, so we decided on Zero Dark Thirty – a movie both violent AND depressing, so nobody wins I guess. And I think that’s why I can’t bring myself to go – it feels like my life is Miserables. Except for, you know, the abject poverty, government oppression, disease, war and orphans – so, you know, not even a little bit like Les Miserables.

What’s that French word for when you are mildly depressed, not over an unrequited love, not fulfilled at work, and super, super bored? Is it Alive? Or Human? That’s what I am… not capable of having perspective. I knew it was something. I think I just don’t want to put more crap in my brain. It’s kind of like the Downton Abbey finale last night – we get it, Julian Fellowes, you are a god and we, mere mortals, and you will destroy us at your whim. I mean, Jesus, it’s enough already. So I have six days to go see Les Miserables, which I’m sure I will love and then have to suck it up to everyone I know about how I’m occasionally wrong. Ugh. I really hate that.

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