“The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.” Erma Bombeck


Shopping for jeans is the worst. I spent over an hour in Nordstrom yesterday trying to explain to Caitlin that I don’t want skinny jeans. And what the hell is “curvy skinny”? Because they still feel like leggings and I am almost a hundred years old. No. Stop bringing me skinny jeans. Also, yes, you seem like a nice girl Caitlin, but I have been dressing myself since I was like 2, so… I got this. No need to pop in and out. I will let you know if I need anything. No need to keep bringing me different jeans when all I said when I walked in was “I want to replace the jeans I’m wearing with jeans that look and feel exactly like this and are made by exactly the same people who made these and are exactly the same size, but are slightly darker blue.” Poor Christine was with me – but honestly do not feel sorry for her because I have been bathing suit shopping with her and it took 5 hours even though every single one of them looked great on her – and every time I walked out she looked up from her phone and said “yep, looks good” which was obviously a hideous lie designed to get me to just frigging buy something already so she can go get a cupcake.

I did buy a new pair – incidentally who are they cutting these jeans for? Jane Lynch? Because I have to now go get like 9 inches cut off the bottom, and I’m not that short. Well, okay, I’m really short, but still. The only saving grace of the day was that I bought myself the cutest pair of Superga slip on shoes on the way out that you have ever seen in your entire life. Trust me. Also, I got a cupcake because… stress.


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