“Procrastinate now, don’t put it off.” Ellen DeGeneres

Just like me but with a Mac and a bottle of Chardonnay

Just like me but with a Mac and a bottle of Chardonnay

I have fifty percent of my homework done, so obviously it is time to take a break, drink some wine, and write a bunch of bullshit to keep my juices flowing. This assignment is a bitch – write a story twice, once as fiction once as memoir, but all of my stories are mostly fiction disguised as memoir, so I’m stuck. I realize that I’m quickly becoming the Taylor Swift of my class, but f-*k it, a theme is a theme.

Tomorrow night I am dragging Susan to a seminar entitled – I swear to god – HAVE WE LOST OUR ABILITY TO MATE? OR RELATE? This is subtitled – again – I swear to god, I am not making this shit up, “If You’re Looking For The Perfect Person, Get Comfortable Being Single.” I cannot wait to learn how to settle. I fully intend to have three drinks under my belt before walking in there, but it sounds like it is going to be awesome. Susan is only coming with me under extreme duress, and I am sure that payback will be swift and horrible, and will probably involve going with her to Forever 21 and seeing movies based on books by Nicholas Sparks, but I can handle it. She finally agreed to come after I agreed to buy dinner first, pay for her entrance, and give her free reign to roll her eyes. I can’t wait to report back.

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