Cheer up, girlfriend. It gets better. But not so much for you.

It turns out, I’m still dead inside. I thought I was a lot better, but this weekend I rented Anna Karenina on DVD and, wow. No. I just can’t.

Apparently this is one of the most romantic tragedies ever written, but I’ve never read it because, Tolstoy. Everyone knows the story though – she falls in love with Vronsky, it’s overwhelming, she can’t possibly help herself, she leaves her boring husband and then gets slut-shamed by Imperial Russia and eventually there is something about throwing herself under a train right? Also nothing happens to Vronsky, which is bullshit. So this is all good, it’s lovely and Keira Knightley is beautiful (everyone thinks this except my father, who just cannot get over how flat her chest is, but that is an entirely different story) and it’s exactly the kind of movie I love and am required to see alone because none of my friends will go with me.

I don’t know why, but I just could not get into this movie. I was literally laughing at all the dramatic longing and just wanted to scream at her for being so stupid. I mean, really, did she think that love was going to last with that guy? He is obviously a cad (side note, why don’t we use this word anymore? It’s great). If I were her I would definitely have stayed with old boring Karenin because at least that way she had these awesome fur hats. Like one in every color… I mean, really, very nice hats. That’s all I’m saying. Also, he was Jude Law, how is that bad – maybe our standards are too high? It’s possible that I am not quite ready to fall in love again, which is probably bad news for the guy I’m going out with this week. By the end, I had never been so happy to see a train in my whole life.