Jet lag is making me crazy. I have been home three days and I am totally… off. Yesterday I woke up at 4 a.m. and before 8 I had gone to the gym, done three loads of laundry and mopped the kitchen floor. Then I spent the rest of the day half insane. The post office delivered my mail in bulk, and I sat down and carefully sorted it into three piles – trash, bills, and records – and then promptly put all three piles into a trash bag and threw it in the dumpster. Five hours later I realized what I did and went to go see if I could get it out but it was covered in crap so… I think what I’m saying is, please send second notices. Thanks. I am not making good decisions. And I mean, really not. Friday night I looked at myself in the mirror while getting ready for bed and said “well, I hope you are happy with yourself now” and then immediately answered “yep, I kind of am.”

Today I slept in until 5 (woo hoo), and then went and got coffee and waited outside Home Depot for it to open, where I rented a steam cleaner. Comments from the guy at home depot included “you know we have like 20 of these, you didn’t have to be here this early” and “this is actually really loud, just to let you know, you might want to wait until later so your neighbors don’t kill you” Thanks, dude, I am totally rational right now, just hand it over. I cleaned my entire carpet before 7 and then went to yoga. Because this is absolutely normal behavior. For cocaine addicts.

It’s fairly important that I am a functioning human being by tomorrow. I’m not sure how to get there, but I’ll work on it.