Un gato muy mal

So, I think the last thing any of us want is to see this thing turn into a cat blog. I mean, no. But I really do feel obligated today to report that my cat is… having anxiety (this is a fun way to say acting like an asshole) so I took him back to the vet and they… brace yourselves here… GAVE HIM CAT XANAX. Yes, cat Xanax. And before you even formulate the question in your head, let me answer it – no, humans cannot take it. They even made it fish flavored, so someone was really thinking ahead there. I tip my hat to you, evil genius, who thought of coating the cat Xanax in fish. Not that I would have tried it.

Obviously.

Anyway, the vet told me that he is acting like a jerk because he is having anxiety and then quickly looked at me and said “this does not mean you are not a good cat mother” right away. So, first of all, I was not thinking that I was a bad cat mother. That is dumb on every level, but now that is in my head. Also, there really is no such thing as a cat mother who is not, you know, an actual cat. So, nice try shaming me, Dr. Faker M.D., but I’m not falling for that crap. The more obvious explanation for his anxiety is the crazy cat next door that screws with him through the door or the dog next door that literally never shuts up. Or possibly, he got his social anxiety from me, his fake cat mother.

Anyway, this annoys me on several levels. First of all, has there ever been a non-problem personified more clearly than the fact that I just spent $60 on anti-anxiety medicine for a non-human? Also… I have been trying to find a doctor for YEARS who will prescribe Xanax for me. And trust me, I have shopped around, and no one will. Maybe I should try peeing on carpet and biting strangers.