This is bullshit

Day one of no coffee is going swimmingly. I mean, if you don’t count the fact that I almost drove my car into another car because they waited a full half second to start moving after the light turned green. I would probably have said all those things about them dying a painful death anyway. Also, you should probably disregard the number of times I have rolled my eyes at coworkers because they are taking too long to finish sentences. People super love it when you interrupt them and say “can you bottom line it? I gotta go.” They probably were not in the middle of telling me something important anyway.

Also, whoever told me that tea and coffee are basically the same thing needs to be hit in the face. That is like saying that wine and apple juice are the same thing and it is hideously stupid. The thing is… coffee tastes good which is the opposite of tea. Tea, when you think about it, is just dried up weeds in a bag that taste like misery and regret.

It’s like those people who tell you to get a cat if you are lonely. Cats poop in corners of your dining room and vomit on your bed and shed all over your stuff and claw apart your couch and give you attitude. Men just love you and make you happy and play with your hair and stuff. It’s totally the same thing. Or I guess, as long as you have never had anyone love you or make you happy or play with your hair and stuff, then you would think that having a cat is the same thing.

I think what I’m trying to say here is, does anyone want my cat?

It’s possible this is affecting my mental focus.