Salud

So… ugly Americans? I get it now. This morning was like a very bad episode of the Amazing Race, but there was definitely no million frigging dollar prize at the end. But when you find yourself running through a train station and the words “why doesn’t anyone speak English???” come out of your mouth, you are pretty much screwed. This was probably all acerbated by the fact that someone poured a bottle of wine down my throat last night and I feel like shit. (Unrelated, will someone please just invent a breathalyzer lock for my iPhone already? Because I will pay a thousand dollars for that app.) I was once hung over and miserable on a train from Rome to Venice so obviously I do not learn from my mistakes, like, at all.

So, I am writing this on a bullet train (spoiler alert, we obviously made it on) that we barely made. I bought the train tickets at home a week ago because I am a responsible traveler like that, but I couldn’t print them because their website is stupid. However, the website specifically said “don’t worry if you can’t print these because our site is jacked up, you can totally reprint them right here at the station, don’t worry girlfriend” or something like that. Liar website. Apparently we are the first people in the history of train travel to ask to reprint tickets because everyone looked at us like wtf is wrong with you stupid Americans?

So, with twenty five minutes until the train leaves, and I now understand that Spanish trains run on time, we were trying to find an internet kiosk to print them. Long story short, we finally did but had to run around like idiots and pay many Euros for the privilege of accessing the email and printing it out. Also, I guess we are the first people in the history of internet café usage to print something, because chica would only put one sheet in at a time and I wanted to jump over the counter and murder her. With about 30 seconds to spare we made the train, and I kept looking around for Phil to say congratulations, you are the first to arrive, but nothing. I really am trying to be a respectful traveler, but sometimes it’s easier than others.